FAMOUS LAST WORDS by Ron Walters

Famous last words. Those death bed monologues that refuse to succumb. Verbal coups de grace that insure immortality. With apologies to Art Linkletter, kids don't say the darnedest things, dying people do. The final farewells of infamous men and women speak volumes about their life works and eternal preparedness. To hear them tell it, many mortals actually look forward to death. For example, David Livingstone, the Scottish medical missionary to Africa, died saying, "Build me a hut, for at last I am going home." Others, however, are less secure as they breathe their last. Napoleon, for one, seemed overwhelmed and disoriented by his final enemy. "France...Army...General...Josephine," was all he could say before he died. Edgar Allen Poe, who never seemed at a loss for words, was tongue tied. His last breath was, "Rest, shore, no more." At least it rhymed.

But a man's choice of words as he heads into eternity is actually a simple science. A multiple choice, really, because the themes are so limited. Whereas some farewells are very dignified and well rehearsed, as Charles Darwin's appeared to be, "I am not the least bit afraid to die," others are emotional and quite spontaneous as D.L. Moody's, "I see earth receding, heaven is opening, God is calling me." But, regardless of preparation, despite the vocabulary, ready or not, a person's last words tend to fall into one of four categories.

The first is the "Could we speed this up? I've got a busy day," category. This fits those hard charging, A-type people who pride themselves with their ability to perform multiple tasks, all at the same time. For example, just before his state-ordered poisoning, Socrates said to one of his disciples, "We owe a chicken to Ascleposis. Pay it and do not forget." Another was Marie Antoinette, who, after intentionally stepping on the foot of her executioner, said with sarcastic charm, "Oh, I beg your pardon, sir. Please, please forgive me." Or Archimedes, the famed Greek mathematician, who was busy solving a geometric equation when he was ordered to follow the Roman death squad. "Wait", he demanded, "till I am finished with this problem."

A second group might be called the "Can we make this required course an elective instead?" category. These are the pitiful ones who would have done anything to avoid meeting the grim reaper. Queen Elizabeth, for example, who, in 1603 owned more than 2,000 stunning wardrobes, said, "All my possessions I will give for more time." As he lay dying, Voltaire, the renowned French infidel, said to his attending physician, "I will give you half of what I am worth if you will give me six more months of life. But even then, I am convinced I will go to Hell."

A third group is the "Death isn't so bad once you get used to it," category. Augustus Caesar qualified for this group. With his dying words, the fading emperor turned to his friends and asked, "Do you think I have played my part well throughout the farce of life?" Beethoven also died with a cynical send-off. "Clap now, my friends, the comedy is done." Sir Walter Raleigh, though less caustic, was nevertheless ghoulish with his executioner. "Your ax gives me no fear. It is simply a sharp medicine to cure all my diseases."

The final group, the "Life is good but death is better," category, is for all who have a personal savior from death's certainty. These fortunate few actually look forward to life's end. Celebrants, like Augustine, who said, "Lord, shall I die? Shall I die? Yes, Lord, why not now?" And Martin Luther, who breathed his last quoting Psalm 68, "God is the Lord by whom we escape death." And George Whitefield, the great evangelist of the 1700's, whose final words were, "Lord Jesus, I am weary in thy work, but not of thy work." And William Carey, the father of modern missions, gave instructions for his own funeral, saying, "When I am gone, speak nothing of Dr. Carey. Speak only of Dr. Carey's savior."

It's a simple science, all right. The choice of words may vary, but the categories remain the same. That's why our job is so critical. People will enter eternity with the words we've taught them on their lips. Our teaching has an extremely long retention rate and eternal value. Paul defined what we do as, "Admonishing every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ." Simply put, our mission is to prepare men and women to live forever. And by faithfully doing that we will hear some other very famous last words, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."